


I Was Only Ever Yours

by VulgarMercury



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bring Back Black | Sirius Black Returns From Beyond the Veil, Established Relationship, Infidelity, M/M, Post-War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:48:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28232703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VulgarMercury/pseuds/VulgarMercury
Summary: Severus thought he had lost Sirius Black the day he fell through the veil. But even Death has failed to keep Sirius confined. Now he’s back and he wants to pick up where they left off nearly a decade later, only problem is that Severus is married to someone else.This is a gift for our Snirius server exchange.
Relationships: Poppy Pomfrey/Severus Snape, Sirius Black/Severus Snape
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11
Collections: BlackPrince Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2020





	I Was Only Ever Yours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Threadbear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Threadbear/gifts).



> This fic was written as part of the christmas exchange for the Snirius Server. This one goes out to one of my favorite fic writers ever, Threadbear! Hope you enjoy your gift and it meets the expectations of your prompt wish. You’ve gifted me the joy of your fics and I hope to return that joy to you with this one. 
> 
> Thank you JuniperLee for beta-reading this fic, your feedback was seriously appreciated.

When Snape had heard the news, he couldn’t believe it. 

He’d been enjoying a relatively pleasant morning with his wife, Poppy. They were sitting across from one another eating their breakfast when a messenger owl swooped in through the little kitchen window. 

_A letter addressed to me from Potter?_ He wondered as he began to open it.

He quickly scanned over the familiar scribblings. His brows furrowed in concentration. His mind tried to make sense of his words but it made no sense; he read it once more, slowly:

_“Professor Snape,_

_The most incredible thing happened just a few days ago. Sirius turned up at the Department of Mysteries. He doesn’t seem to really recall ever being gone...but I guess that doesn’t matter._ **_He’s back!_ ** _He was found a bit delirious and dehydrated so he's recovering in St. Mungo’s. I know you two never really got along but he asked for you by name and I figured you should know.”_

He felt nauseous. 

“Everything alright, dear?” Poppy asked with concern. 

Snape took a drink of tea before attempting to formulate a response, “It’s -uhm, Black. He’s back.” 

“Black?" She paused to think, "Oh... _Sirius_ Black -is that who you’re speaking of?”

“That’s right…”

“Ah, hadn't he...”

“Died,” Snape interrupted. 

“Yes, what do you mean he’s back?” 

“Seems the Veil decided to spit him back out,” Snape explained humorlessly. 

His own words just didn’t seem quite real. Sirius had been dead for over seven years now! This couldn’t be possible. And yet, Harry didn’t really seem capable of playing such a cruel joke on him either, especially given that there was no way he knew...

Poppy plucked the letter from his unresistant hands. He simply continued to stare into space. Trying to make sense of the last few years of his life. 

She read over the letter quickly, “Oh, dear. It sounds like they found him in an awful state.”

“Rather,” he stated dryly. 

“You should visit him, darling. He asked for you,” she said, folding up the letter. If only she understood what she was telling Severus to do. 

He turned to her slowly, “I’m not sure-”

“Nonsense, this is a dear friend of yours. You must be terribly shocked but you must go visit with him. Do you need me to go with you?” One of her more endearing qualities was how to the point she always was. 

“No. It’s fine.” He replied quickly, “I’ll visit him on my own. I don’t want you missing work on my behalf.” Poppy reached over and gave his hand a little squeeze, “I’ll let the headmistress know you’ll need a substitute for the day.” Snape responded with a curt nod and a gentle smile. 

“I know it’s hard to believe but this is truly incredible news. To have one of our old friends who perished in the war returned to us is truly a miracle. I’m so grateful for such a gift,” She said the words with such genuine kindness. It pierced Snape ruthlessly, the guilt bleeding out from the wound. If she only knew what this whole thing truly meant to him. She would realize that this was no blessing, but a curse. 

Poppy collected their plates, she gave Snape a gentle kiss on the forehead before getting ready for work. Leaving him to prepare for his first visit with Sirius in nearly a decade. 

\---

Snape watched the rise and fall of Sirius’ chest. He looked as malnourished as he had after his escape from Azkaban. His gown was a bit too big on him, the outline of his chest tattoos peeking out above the neck. Snape wanted to reach out, to touch it. It had been so long since his fingers traced the strange symbols that adorned this man’s body. 

A body he had once made love to -well, perhaps that description was a bit too soft for the kinds of things they had done to one another. Snape smirked, thinking back on how passionate and short-lived their little fling had been. 

Perhaps, his anxiety about seeing Black was an overreaction. After all, the sex may have been good, but the relationship had been a disaster. It was unlikely that Black had any tender feelings to complicate matters. Hell, they'd broken up for the last time the night before...

Snape could feel his throat tightening up, the familiar grip of grief. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling it at that moment, the bastard had lived. He was right there in front of him just snoozing the whole thing off. Snape wanted to shake him, to yell at him, the reckless arsehole had run right into the Department of Mysteries and died a fool's death. 

When he had sent his Patronus to Grimmauld Place that afternoon, he had channeled all of his hope that Sirius was in fact safe. When he heard the news of his death, later on, it had been devastating. The things that were left unsaid and undone between them, grew heavy on Snape over the following years. 

When he and Sirius had started their ridiculous escapades, Snape had thought perhaps he was just going through some kind of strange existential crisis. How else could he rationalize getting on his knees for the man who had tormented him for years? It was absurd! But no, at some point or another he had fallen in love with Sirius, and he had been too pigheaded to admit to it back then. He couldn’t escape those feelings -no, they had hit him like a freight train when he got the news of his death. And at that point, it was too late to tell him how he really felt. 

Snape let out a bitter chuckle. He rubbed the gold band that wrapped around his left ring finger. His beloved wife had sent him to the wolf’s den. 

Snape shook the thought out of his head. He was strong, dammit. All of that, he had moved past it. He had mourned Sirius, he had accepted his death. And he had accepted that there was really nothing left between them. It had been a crazy ride, one he'll never forget but there was no way in hell he'll ever ride again. 

A low rumbling sound from the sleeping form shook Snape out of his thoughts. He shoved his left hand down to his lap and leaned forward in nervous anticipation as Sirius stirred to a wakeful state. 

Sirius let out a strangled noise. " _Harry"_ , he croaked 

“No, it’s...me.” Snape could only muster a whisper. He hated himself for it.

Sirius smiled weakly, “Severus,” he responded softly, “you came.” 

Immediately, Snape felt a squeeze of his chest. He held back the tears threatening to escape. _Damn this sentimental heart,_ he cursed. 

He held back the urge to take Sirius into an embrace. He simply leaned in to listen a bit better. 

Sirius appeared a bit more awake then, reaching slowly for Snape’s hand that rested near his arm. His grip was delicate. Snape felt overwhelmed, his heart beating quickly. _This couldn’t be real_ , he thought. This must be some kind of dream or perhaps he was under some spell. None of it made any sense at all, and what of Poppy? 

This was wrong. 

“Severus, I’m so sorry,” Sirius words knocked him out of his thoughts. Then he couldn’t hold it back any longer, the tears rolled down his face. Merlin, he was so fragile. 

“No, Sirius -I’m the one-”

“Do shut up, and let me apologize,” Sirius stated, with a chuckle. He looked up at Snape, his eyes shining up at him with a level of warmth he had never really received from the man before, "I can't imagine what my passing must've done to you." Snape could feel a deep feeling of dread and despair. This felt like he was saying goodbye all over again, and it was so much harder like this. 

This was so much worse. 

“Come over here and give me a kiss,” Sirius said, an attempt at being charming. Despite his current state, he had almost been successful. 

Snape let out a deep breath and pulled back, pulling his hand away from him. He felt so cold. Once again he fiddled with his ring, “I’m sorry, Sirius.” Was the best he could manage at that moment. 

Sirius’ smile evaporated immediately, Snape’s fidgeting wasn’t lost to him. He noticed the wedding band and then looked up, his mouth agape. Snape could see the gears moving in Sirius’ mind. 

“I’m -I -I thought-” Snape wanted to explain but it was just too complex for words. 

“You’re married?” 

Snape swallowed hard, “Yes.” 

Sirius let out a little laugh and adjusted himself against his pillow, “Snape, married? Harry wasn’t kidding, things have changed.” 

Perhaps Sirius was taking this news in stride. Snape knew that he’d be unaffected, that he was worried for no reason, somehow that made him feel worse. 

Snape quickly wiped his face of the evidence of his fragility, “They truly have.” 

“Heh, I’ve really got to stop getting myself in these situations...I keep missing out,” Sirius joked. Snape couldn’t help but crack a smile at the morbidity of Black’s humor. 

“Who’s the lucky...uh...person?” Sirius continued on as if nothing had just gone on between them. 

Snape could feel a little heat rise up to his cheeks, he couldn’t believe he was talking to his resurrected ex about his current relationship, “Uhm, well, you remember the matron of Hogwarts?”

“Pomfrey!” The sudden exclamation nearly threw Snape back, “I had no idea you were interested in -uhm, _mature women_ ,” Sirius’ tone was a bit teasing. Snape shifted a bit uncomfortably. This was exactly like Sirius to make a joke out of his relationship. 

“We developed quite a strong friendship. Especially, after the war,” Snape explained, he couldn’t meet Sirius’ eyes. He felt compelled to justify himself and that was a bit irritating. 

“Friendship?”

Why did the bastard have to question everything? Snape felt his jaw clench before replying in annoyance, “Well, yes. That’s typically how those things begin.” 

Sirius barked out a hoarse laugh, “I wouldn’t say that was true for us!” 

Snape let out a huff, “Well, I would hardly call what we did-” Sirius whipped a deadly glare at Snape’s direction causing him to pause mid-sentence. He stared right back, just as cold and as deadly. The energy of the room shifted in such a way that put Snape on immediate defense, “I think I should leave.” 

Sirius’ jaw was clenched shut this time and he gave Snape a nod, "Right," he turned his head away. Snape felt another pang of heartache, he bit his lower lip and willed himself to leave the hospital room. 

As he walked down the halls and out of the hospital he reasoned with himself that this was for the best. He couldn’t allow Sirius to get too close. 

That man had nearly ruined him before and he hadn’t changed one bit since they last spoke. He wasn’t going to let Sirius enter his life again and ruin what he worked so hard to cultivate now. 

\---

A month had passed since their reunion. Another letter, just as the first from Harry, addressed to him and his wife this time. 

An invitation to a party welcoming back Sirius to the living. Poppy had insisted that they attend, wondering why Snape would be so resistant to celebrating the resurrection of one of his beloved friends. 

Telling her anymore than what she needed to know about the nature of his relationship with Sirius would have given too much away. Continuing to make a big show of the whole thing threatened to make her ask more questions so he settled on attending even if reluctantly. 

The party was no different from others Harry and Ginny had hosted in the past for the former Order members. Everyone from the usual crowd was present at Grimmauld Place with the addition of Sirius. Who looked much healthier since the hospital visit, his cheeks fuller and the color returned to his skin. He was dressed in a purple vest with floral embroidery, matching purple slacks, and a green jacket that made him look like a damn peacock. His stride was confident as ever and he worked everyone around him with his usual charm. Snape hated him. 

Poppy had been like the others, drawn to his magnetism and his boisterous personality. But Snape knew another side of Sirius, one that few others saw, he knew that what lies just beneath the surface was less man and more feral beast. 

He’d wanted to tame him at one point but he knew now that trying to be close only ended in one way: Getting bit. 

Snape and Poppy were enjoying some of the refreshments laid out in the dining area when Sirius pounced on them. He was grinning from ear to ear, a look that Snape hardly trusted yet seemed to make his wife smile all the more. 

Sirius greeted them and gave Snape a hardy pat on the back, the gesture nearly knocked the wind out of him. However, he refused to let on that he was fazed at all. He certainly didn’t react when that same hand casually slid down his back and rested for just a brief moment above his arse as Sirius initiated small talk.

“Madam Pomfrey, I have got to say you are looking as lovely as ever. How do you do it!” 

“Oh, Mr. Black, please! You flatter me,” a little blush colored Poppy’s cheeks. 

“Seriously, you’ve got to tell me!” Sirius’ voice grew low and very serious, “If Snape has concocted some kind of serum -I must know.” 

“Nonsense, whatever would you need that for. You’re as handsome as ever.” 

“Oh! Careful now, you might make Sev jealous,” Sirius turned to Snape and gave him a wink. 

“Please,” Snape’s eyes wanted to roll right out of his head. Black was laying it so thick, it was quite sickening to witness. 

Poppy seemed to find the whole exchange incredibly endearing. She giggled as she glanced between the two of them. 

Sirius turned his attention once more to her, the wolfish smile somehow larger than before, “So how exactly did this dark brooding _young_ potions professor find himself married to such a kind and lovely _seasoned_ matron?”

Poppy’s giggling died down and she gave a tight lipped smile. Snape glared at Sirius and then looked at his wife. The lines of her face deepened. 

"I -uhm, I have to admit our relationship developed purely on accident,” She began hesitantly, “A very happy accident I might add. It was just unexpected. Severus and I had worked for some years at Hogwarts already. Occasionally, I’d commission some potions from him during that time. Our conversations were strictly business those days. Yet after the war was over-”

“Things changed,” Snape chimed in. Hoping that Sirius would hear him and understand. But Sirius just looked on at Poppy, his expression had turned quite somber now as he listened. 

“Yes. I mean -that can’t be overstated enough,” Poppy continued, “The chaos in the wake of war was insurmountable. Our skills truly put to the test and the capacity in which Severus and I worked together had changed in its totality.”

“We worked tirelessly to heal those who were wounded. Our resources were limited at best,” Snape added. 

“Among the chaos, it just seemed to make sense,” Poppy smiled warmly at Snape then. And he returned the expression. 

Observing the neat little way the story ended, Sirius responded, “How lovely.” The underlying sarcasm wasn’t lost to Snape who knew Sirius like he knew his own wand. Poppy failed to notice the tone. 

“It must have been a complete shock for you to have it all play out like that, I imagine,” Sirius continued. 

“No, it seemed to fall into place quite naturally,” Poppy responded without skipping a beat. 

“Ah, it’s just. I would have thought-”

“What?”

“No, it’s -i feel silly even saying this,” Sirius shifted uncomfortably. Snape could feel himself tensing, he tried to steady himself. 

“Oh? It’s quite alright, go on.” Poppy didn’t seem bothered in the least. 

“I mean, _you_ , being matron of Hogwarts since…well, since we were _boys_ ,” Sirius let the words sit in the air for a few moments before continuing, “And I won’t deny some of the pranks I used to pull on Severus were quite unpleasant...”

“Understatement of the year,” Snape cut in instantly. _What was this bastards’ angle?_

Sirius chuckled and squeezed Snape on the shoulder. Likely a poor excuse to touch him, Snape noted. 

“You must think so poorly of me,” he went on, “you must have tended to so many of the wounds I and my friends inflicted on poor Severus. Merlin, to think that _boy_ would grow up to be _your husband_. I must seem like a monster to you.” 

“Oh, nonsense. Severus explained that things resolved themselves between the two of you before your apparent -uhm, death...”

“He did, did he?” Sirius gave Snape a curious look. Snape was unreadable.

“As they say, boys will be boys,” Poppy joked. 

“Right! All water under the bridge, isn’t it, Sev?” Sirius agreed and turned towards Snape. He wasn’t at all impressed with Sirius’ tactics. Poppy was totally oblivious to the dog’s obvious attempt at causing them any discomfort about their relationship. In fact, Sirius probably proved a point contrary to his intended purpose: that being anywhere near Sirius was a horrible idea and a reminder that he had been his tormentor for years. The fact that he was compelled at all to question his marriage with this absurd barrage of questions about their age difference and the circumstances surrounding their decision to marry was absolutely ridiculous and proved he was still a bastard. 

“Water under the bridge,” Snape repeated back. Poppy seemed quite pleased with his reply. Sirius simply seemed amused. 

Snape kept away from Sirius the rest of the night, deliberately avoiding any more interactions. But he could sense Sirius' eyes searching the room for him every so often. He thought he was being sly but Snape could sense him, he could sense the spike of his emotions too whenever he’d find Snape deliberately trying to ignore him. 

Snape finally settled himself into one of the sofas in the drawing room. He took short and deliberate sips of his wine. The area was relatively secluded, most of the guests hovering around the bar and living room. He hoped that Poppy would get bored soon and they could make their exit. 

His private moment was interrupted when Lupin stumbled into the room, a little plate with horderves in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. 

“Ah! So this is where you’ve been hiding,” He said in that friendly way that always made Snape’s skin crawl. 

“If I was hiding I wouldn’t have been so easily found,” Snape corrected. 

“That’s true, you are quite the expert in those matters,” Lupin said, always at the ready with his backhanded compliments. 

Snape took a sip of his wine and Lupin sat down next to him setting his own glass down and focusing on his little plate. 

He popped what was probably some chocolate treat into his mouth and then casually stated, “I take it you’re not very thrilled with the return of our friend?”

“I don’t know what you mean, I’m ecstatic,” Snape responded with his usual drawl. 

Lupin smirked at him. A knowing glint in his eyes. 

“I know you and Siri don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things-”

“It's a lot more than just that.”

Lupin chuckled, he nervously stuffed another piece of chocolate into his mouth before continuing, “I know you and him have a lot of bad blood. I just hope you two are able to resolve some of it, as we have.”

There was a moment of pause. He’d always wondered how much Lupin knew about _them._ Maybe nothing at all, Snape didn’t figure Black would be going around bragging to his friends about shagging _Snivellus._

“As much as I disliked you, Remus, you were at least sensible at times. Black...well, there’s no reasoning with madness.” His words were bitter but both of them knew that the issue was more complex than what Snape was willing to admit. 

“You know he’s got a good heart even if sometimes he can go a little overboard,” Lupin was looking at him now, his eyes soft, sympathetic. It made Snape’s stomach turn.

He softened and let out a sigh, “I know.” 

Lupin grabbed his wine glass and took a swig of it. 

Snape mimicked him before setting the empty glass down on the coffee table, “If you’ll excuse me.”

Lupin smiled and nodded at him. 

Snape walked through the halls, and up the stairs, avoiding the other guests. He finally arrived at one of the bathrooms that seemed least likely to have traffic. He reached out to turn the knob but before his hand touched the steel it turned and the door opened inward revealing Sirius Black on the other end. 

He seemed surprised at first but soon his lips twisted into a grin. Snape knew that smile and it made him swallow. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” he practically purred. 

Before Snape could react, he felt himself pulled into the bathroom by the collar of his vest. 

The door was abruptly shut and his back slammed against it, “What do you think you’re-”

The words seem to float away from him when he felt Sirius pressed against his body. 

His blood rushed to his groin, he felt the old familiar flutter deep in his belly, and his heart was pounding against his ribs. 

Sirius was just there, chest to chest, hip to hip, his mouth inches to his. The heat of his breath teasing Snape’s lips and the intensity of Sirius’ gaze made him shiver. 

He was going to be devoured by this beast and his body did nothing to fight it. He stood there and waited, without a word of protest. He just stared right back, daring Sirius to do it. He would never betray his wife like this, no. But would he resist?

Sirius brushed his fingers across Snape’s jawline watching the way his muscles twitched at the sensation. He pressed his thumb cross Snape’s lower lip. Snape glanced down at Sirius’ parted lips. They hadn’t kissed in what seemed like a lifetime. 

“You’ve been ignoring me,” Sirius finally spoke. 

“Yes,” Snape didn’t trust himself to say much else. 

“You’re mad at me, aren’t you?” His eyes looked up at him in a way that made Snape’s head swim.

“Naturally.” 

“You know how I get when you give me the cold shoulder.”

Snape knew exactly. And he realized now, he’d been playing right into Sirius’ game this whole time. And that’s all it was to Sirius, a game. He wanted what he couldn’t have and the more you resisted, the more he wanted you. They had played this game a thousand times yet Snape had forgotten the rules. Or maybe he hadn’t, maybe he knew exactly what he had been doing the whole time…

Sirius was deliberate in his movement, pressing his lips against his. It was gentle at first, sensual, savoring. His response was automatic, Snape let out a moan. He’d always melted under his touch, it was maddening. What the hell was it about him, it just made him so desperate for more. 

Sirius deepened the kiss, tasting Snape, his tongue dragged across his teeth pressing on the tip of his sizable canines. Snape had been accused more than once of being a vampire, many of those accusations came from the very man now enjoying the sharpness of his _fangs_. 

Snape shoved his tongue against Sirius’ trying to overpower him. Trying to take control of the kiss, this only seemed to excite Sirius more and the kiss became more aggressive. Biting and sucking at each other’s lips and pressing against each other painfully.

His hands were tightly gripping onto Snape’s collar, pushing him flat against the door. Snape’s arms stayed at his sides, not daring to touch. Allowing this kiss to happen against his better judgement but he won't initiate more. He couldn’t. 

Sirius made no effort to hide how the kiss was making him hot, he started to shift against Snape. He rutted against him like some horny dog. Snape groaned when he felt the other man’s bulge rub against his own. 

His hips jerked involuntarily against Sirius, begging for more and now their bodies pressed against one another in slow and purposeful movements. Grinding against each other, the pleasure mounting in their loins. 

Snape’s mind was screaming at him to stop. This was wrong. This was wrong. 

But his body just kept moving, he could feel the precum starting to stain his trousers. 

His mouth savoring, swallowing Sirius. He wanted more, more, more. 

Then Sirius pulled away. He was panting, his eyes were wild, there was a thin layer of sweat forming on his brow. 

His swift hands tugged at Snape’s belt, unraveling him, peeling away at his resolve. 

Severus looked down, he was frozen in place. His mind was screaming at him to stop him but his body wanted it to keep going. Nausea overcame him when he saw those thick fingers pull down his zip. 

“Stop.”

Sirius ignored him and shoved his hand down Snape’s pants, gripping at his hard cock. Before he could even think, Snape shoved Sirius, causing him to stumble backwards, nearly toppling over the toilet. 

“The hell was that for!” He asked, genuinely surprised and very irritated. 

Snape quickly began to fix himself up, “I’m not doing this Black, I’m not doing this,” he spoke quickly. It wasn’t like him to lose his cool but Sirius always had a way of getting under his skin. 

Sirius opened his mouth to protest but Snape was out the door before he could even try. 

Despite the unexpected encounter Severus regained his composure once he was in the hall. He made no attempt to look behind him, he went up another flight of stairs. Thankfully he didn’t sense anyone following him. He found one of the guest bedrooms he’d used to occupy. He entered swiftly, making sure no one saw him slip him. He locked the door quickly and leaned against it. 

He allowed himself to relax against it, breathing heavily, his heart still going mad. He swallowed and then undid the belt and zipper just as Sirius had before, he shoved his hand in his pants as he saw the other man do and he pulled out his dick. 

His strokes were frantic, painful almost, guilt continued to swirl around his gut but at least this way -This way...he wasn’t cheating on _her_ , this way it was okay because it was just in his fantasies. 

He replayed the moment between him and Black in the bathroom over and over in his mind as he rubbed himself into completion. He spilled all over the carpeted floor, his other hand muffling the sound of his moans.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> I have a bit more written out and plan to add another chapter to wrap this up.


End file.
